Chelsea Handler kicked off every week of shows guest-hosting for Jimmy Kimmel by going after “pro-life” Republicans and joking that her own three abortions are all the proof Americans need that Roe v. wade should never have been overturned.
“I have thoroughly enjoyed my time guest-hosting,” the comedian said on Thursday night. “But just like women’s rights, all good things must come to an end.” If “nothing else,” she took solace in the fact that she “got one viewer to change his stance,” highlighting a tweet that began, “Knowing she she is n’t raising kids is almost justification for abortion.”
In her final monologue of the week, Handler delivered a history lesson of sorts about the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote in 1919. Just over a hundred years later, she proposed a 28th Amendment to “end male suffrage.”
But if that’s not a realistic option, she issued a challenge to the men of America: “Guys, if you don’t want us going after your rights, then you better get up off your hairy asses and join the fight to defend ours. ”
Instead of “mansplaining” to women about how to win back their rights, she said, “Shut up, OK? How about you do the work for once and do n’t open your mouth unless you’re chanting, ‘Her body, her choice.’ ”She implored men to,“ Talk to your sons. Tell them why this is so important before they get radicalized by Joe Rogan.”
“You have the power to make a difference,” Handler added. “If every man donated just one dollar to Planned Parenthood after they masturbated, this organization would have enough resources to help every woman on planet Earth.”
“And all of you have got to take some goddamn responsibility,” she said. “Abortion is a men’s issue. Because if there were no men, there would be no abortions. In fact, if there were no men, we’d all be going down on each other in space right now.”
Handler ended her rant with “one small piece of encouraging news,” the swearing-in of Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. “For the first time ever, there are now four women on the Supreme Court,” she said to cheers. “And five if you include that bitch Clarence Thomas.”
For more, listen to Chelsea Handler on The Last Laugh podcast.