{"id":180464,"date":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","date_gmt":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/"},"modified":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","modified_gmt":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","slug":"ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: I’m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress"},"content":{"rendered":"
DEAR AMY: My husband’s sister is getting married in a year.<\/p>\n
She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress.<\/p>\n
I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress; however, I was recently told by my mother-in-law (her mother) that the bride also wanted me and the other two sisters-in-law to wear the same color and style of dress as \u201cthe mothers.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was quite surprised, since I’ve never heard of a bride requiring people that weren’t in the wedding to buy a specific color and style of dress.<\/p>\n
I have seven weddings to attend next year so I was going to buy a couple of new dresses for the year and re-wear them since different groups of people will be at different weddings.<\/p>\n
This now requires me to buy a specific type of dress I would not usually buy. I understand this when I’m a bridesmaid, but I have no such role in this wedding. This comes off really controlling to me and has not made me feel great because the way I was informed was strange (my mother-in-law mentioned it to me multiple times over the course of one day).<\/p>\n
I got married this past year and did not dictate what any of the in-laws or mothers had to wear to our wedding.<\/p>\n
Is this an unusual ask?<\/p>\n
– Sorry sister-in-law<\/p>\n
DEAR SORRY: Keep in mind that anyone can ask anything.<\/p>\n
And yes, it does seem that brides (and\/or their moms) are increasingly asking\/expecting\/demanding that their guests must wear a specific color and style of clothing to the wedding – as if their guests are some sort of bridal pep squad.<\/p>\n
You married into this family very recently. Your mother-in-law passed along this dictate to you.<\/p>\n
The first thing you should do is to personally ask the bride to explain this request. What exactly is she asking, and why?<\/p>\n
The second thing you should do is to say no. You can do that by promising to dress appropriately but sit in the back of the venue – or skip the photos (if that’s the bride’s focus).<\/p>\n
If you did manage to say no, countless wedding guests would want to hoist you onto their shoulders and parade you through the reception hall.<\/p>\n
I’ve researched this issue on various well-known wedding sites, and I am sorry to report that brides are being coached on their \u201cright\u201d to make this sort of demand. On one very popular site, women are told that having a \u201cmonochromatic wedding\u201d is justified because \u201cyour wedding should be your own vision.\u201d They add: \u201cPro tip: It’ll pay off in spades with gorgeous wedding photos and just a generally stylish, elegant and curated vibe.\u201d<\/p>\n
To quote wonderful Miss Manners on this very topic: Wedding guests \u201care people, not props.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
DEAR AMY: During the holidays, my husband and I met a new neighbor at a holiday party.<\/p>\n
We exchanged information and decided we’d get together for lunch in the near future.<\/p>\n
Well, I got a text from this neighbor yesterday, asking my husband and me over for \u201ccocktails and snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n
We decided on a day and time and she then proceeded to tell us to bring whatever we want to drink – and she’ll supply the appetizers.<\/p>\n
My husband thinks this is rude. I think it’s weird.<\/p>\n
your thoughts?<\/p>\n
– Bringing Our Own<\/p>\n
DEAR BRINGING: How rude or weird this is might depend on where you’re from. In some cultures and communities, BYOB is not considered too far outside the norm.<\/p>\n
This host might have put you more at ease if she had worded the request a little differently – for instance, something like: \u201cI don’t serve alcohol at home, but you’re more than welcome to bring your own. I’ll have seltzer and iced tea on hand.\u201d<\/p>\n
As it is, you’re left to wonder what exactly the motivation is to be invited for \u201ccocktails and snacks\u201d when it is really just snacks.<\/p>\n
As you get to know this neighbor, her attitude toward entertaining will be revealed.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
DEAR AMY: Thank you for standing up for Santa (responding to a recent question from \u201cNo Gaslight\u201d).<\/p>\n
Gaslight doesn’t seem to realize that believing in this little bit of magic is a benign phase of childhood.<\/p>\n
What a Grinch!<\/p>\n
– Santa Fan<\/p>\n
DEAR FAN: Running this question prompted many readers to contribute their own sweet Santa stories, giving me a dose of magic just before Christmas.<\/p>\n
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/p>\n
\u00a9 2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
DEAR AMY: My husband’s sister is getting married in a year. She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress. I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress; …<\/p>\n