{"id":180464,"date":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","date_gmt":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/"},"modified":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","modified_gmt":"2023-01-08T06:53:01","slug":"ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: I&#8217;m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"HAP633SBCREGBJNDVG5I7VLELY\">DEAR AMY: My husband&#8217;s sister is getting married in a year.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"ELSJ2TA55NCWZEM3O3GUUBEXRM\">She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"BWLXYG6F25BFPN2DJLBI5EUNU4\">I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress;  however, I was recently told by my mother-in-law (her mother) that the bride also wanted me and the other two sisters-in-law to wear the same color and style of dress as \u201cthe mothers.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"HKRNRMIFBNHVPFJHUAYIVCABJA\">I was quite surprised, since I&#8217;ve never heard of a bride requiring people that weren&#8217;t in the wedding to buy a specific color and style of dress.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"56NLE5XOWZDXDJHNBVE4Y5HIBY\">I have seven weddings to attend next year so I was going to buy a couple of new dresses for the year and re-wear them since different groups of people will be at different weddings.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"O5JQRY7J3FAJLJKVETH2FMXJA4\">This now requires me to buy a specific type of dress I would not usually buy.  I understand this when I&#8217;m a bridesmaid, but I have no such role in this wedding.  This comes off really controlling to me and has not made me feel great because the way I was informed was strange (my mother-in-law mentioned it to me multiple times over the course of one day).<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"6PHHEXPV2JHKJELYH7DQU2RQUY\">I got married this past year and did not dictate what any of the in-laws or mothers had to wear to our wedding.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"HTZGXGJ6ARBDTDHDEVQLVXK2EQ\">Is this an unusual ask?<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"F5QBJ3XKXBBWLBA6Y5LYI3756Q\">&#8211; Sorry sister-in-law<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"3W5SRR6BK5CVZHR3X6JK35RPDI\">DEAR SORRY: Keep in mind that anyone can ask anything.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"K4ZBMGROO5HFPPCNNX7OJH5RQA\">And yes, it does seem that brides (and\/or their moms) are increasingly asking\/expecting\/demanding that their guests must wear a specific color and style of clothing to the wedding &#8211; as if their guests are some sort of bridal pep squad.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"763FEOMTG5G3BKGZLIPQC3Y4M4\">You married into this family very recently.  Your mother-in-law passed along this dictate to you.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"TLHJUPWQURABVJO4CTLR7XIKLQ\">The first thing you should do is to personally ask the bride to explain this request.  What exactly is she asking, and why?<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"IX2OGF7AGJGK3OKI6V7Z5TS55Y\">The second thing you should do is to say no.  You can do that by promising to dress appropriately but sit in the back of the venue &#8211; or skip the photos (if that&#8217;s the bride&#8217;s focus).<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"4TFHI2AWAJCHHG5FSSLKLAKQRE\">If you did manage to say no, countless wedding guests would want to hoist you onto their shoulders and parade you through the reception hall.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"NEBPMZ7TONCX5M2VERWHN7QP5Q\">I&#8217;ve researched this issue on various well-known wedding sites, and I am sorry to report that brides are being coached on their \u201cright\u201d to make this sort of demand.  On one very popular site, women are told that having a \u201cmonochromatic wedding\u201d is justified because \u201cyour wedding should be your own vision.\u201d  They add: \u201cPro tip: It&#8217;ll pay off in spades with gorgeous wedding photos and just a generally stylish, elegant and curated vibe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--center\" id=\"FE7XYJXOKREMTHXFNY3AG5NGQM\">To quote wonderful Miss Manners on this very topic: Wedding guests \u201care people, not props.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--center\" id=\"NFI2EWQAJJB47L77X5ZLQ4XLQI\">***<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"2UN3SJVKDFBZ5JOYSRZUTQISRM\">DEAR AMY: During the holidays, my husband and I met a new neighbor at a holiday party.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"3LCBXEDFLJFP5FIGMPARH7T3DA\">We exchanged information and decided we&#8217;d get together for lunch in the near future.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"KPZYNUAN3JEETM4WDWFIZBLOSU\">Well, I got a text from this neighbor yesterday, asking my husband and me over for \u201ccocktails and snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"KXFQFBUUFRH25L7EHENKLLJRK4\">We decided on a day and time and she then proceeded to tell us to bring whatever we want to drink &#8211; and she&#8217;ll supply the appetizers.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"6BK5SNG2KFF7PN7OBGXSCEICRI\">My husband thinks this is rude.  I think it&#8217;s weird.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"GBXC6QPRFVFXHCANQDKMO2FBUI\">your thoughts?<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"K5VCL5YO6NH6LEWSDR35E5T5JI\">&#8211; Bringing Our Own<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"TUWGSNV76VFBHJZR5HYV23BUQI\">DEAR BRINGING: How rude or weird this is might depend on where you&#8217;re from.  In some cultures and communities, BYOB is not considered too far outside the norm.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"WLZA5URCSNBWRJLXCXETJQPONM\">This host might have put you more at ease if she had worded the request a little differently &#8211; for instance, something like: \u201cI don&#8217;t serve alcohol at home, but you&#8217;re more than welcome to bring your own.  I&#8217;ll have seltzer and iced tea on hand.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"2P7GKOJGHBAFTB2RVNFXX2YUOU\">As it is, you&#8217;re left to wonder what exactly the motivation is to be invited for \u201ccocktails and snacks\u201d when it is really just snacks.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--center\" id=\"D377QXRF5NDT3DBB5US2Z3SEPA\">As you get to know this neighbor, her attitude toward entertaining will be revealed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--center\" id=\"7IKZCMKG3JBZ7EYOTYKGWWS4XM\">***<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"TFVGXAFYSNGXDFMPCK7V7VAQIA\">DEAR AMY: Thank you for standing up for Santa (responding to a recent question from \u201cNo Gaslight\u201d).<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"AG2U26XBHNHQNKJ4VBQ2LJLYVE\">Gaslight doesn&#8217;t seem to realize that believing in this little bit of magic is a benign phase of childhood.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"RADRUR25C5E4JEFQKYEVULG3BY\">What a Grinch!<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"W6YWMEFG5NBJPLS54LFTZBDGPE\">&#8211; Santa Fan<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"DVRXYNLJPRF7PPDAG7JOMQWZUM\">DEAR FAN: Running this question prompted many readers to contribute their own sweet Santa stories, giving me a dose of magic just before Christmas.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"CDTSCR5DVJE4DMKCHLO3PHDGJ4\">(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"R2AE47572BCHLMBS22245WIQ4A\">\u00a9 2022 Amy Dickinson.  Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>DEAR AMY: My husband&#8217;s sister is getting married in a year. She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress. I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress; &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Ask Amy: I&#8217;m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.10 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Ask Amy: I&#039;m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress - harchi90<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/news.google.com\/__i\/rss\/rd\/articles\/CBMiigFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uai5jb20vYWR2aWNlLzIwMjMvMDEvYXNrLWFteS1pbS1ub3QtaW4tdGhlLXdlZGRpbmctc28taS1hc3N1bWVkLXRoYXQtYXMtYS1ndWVzdC1pLXdvdWxkLWJlLWFibGUtdG8tcGljay1vdXQtbXktb3duLWRyZXNzLmh0bWzSAZkBaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmouY29tL2FkdmljZS8yMDIzLzAxL2Fzay1hbXktaW0tbm90LWluLXRoZS13ZWRkaW5nLXNvLWktYXNzdW1lZC10aGF0LWFzLWEtZ3Vlc3QtaS13b3VsZC1iZS1hYmxlLXRvLXBpY2stb3V0LW15LW93bi1kcmVzcy5odG1sP291dHB1dFR5cGU9YW1w?oc=5\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ask Amy: I&#039;m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress - harchi90\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"DEAR AMY: My husband&#8217;s sister is getting married in a year. She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress. 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She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress. I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress; &hellip; Ask Amy: I&#8217;m not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress Read More &raquo;","og_url":"https:\/\/news.google.com\/__i\/rss\/rd\/articles\/CBMiigFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uai5jb20vYWR2aWNlLzIwMjMvMDEvYXNrLWFteS1pbS1ub3QtaW4tdGhlLXdlZGRpbmctc28taS1hc3N1bWVkLXRoYXQtYXMtYS1ndWVzdC1pLXdvdWxkLWJlLWFibGUtdG8tcGljay1vdXQtbXktb3duLWRyZXNzLmh0bWzSAZkBaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmouY29tL2FkdmljZS8yMDIzLzAxL2Fzay1hbXktaW0tbm90LWluLXRoZS13ZWRkaW5nLXNvLWktYXNzdW1lZC10aGF0LWFzLWEtZ3Vlc3QtaS13b3VsZC1iZS1hYmxlLXRvLXBpY2stb3V0LW15LW93bi1kcmVzcy5odG1sP291dHB1dFR5cGU9YW1w?oc=5","og_site_name":"harchi90","article_published_time":"2023-01-08T06:53:01+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.nj.com\/resizer\/Eb9lmlTkkEVASR1D6njmY3pWeII=\/1280x0\/smart\/cloudfront-us-east-1.images.arcpublishing.com\/advancelocal\/R5PYQNWIVRHU5NTMJXD2IMMBB4.jpeg"}],"author":"islamlacoste58","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_image":"https:\/\/www.nj.com\/resizer\/Eb9lmlTkkEVASR1D6njmY3pWeII=\/1280x0\/smart\/cloudfront-us-east-1.images.arcpublishing.com\/advancelocal\/R5PYQNWIVRHU5NTMJXD2IMMBB4.jpeg","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"islamlacoste58","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/ask-amy-im-not-in-the-wedding-so-i-assumed-that-as-a-guest-i-would-be-able-to-pick-out-my-own-dress\/","url":"https:\/\/news.google.com\/__i\/rss\/rd\/articles\/CBMiigFodHRwczovL3d3dy5uai5jb20vYWR2aWNlLzIwMjMvMDEvYXNrLWFteS1pbS1ub3QtaW4tdGhlLXdlZGRpbmctc28taS1hc3N1bWVkLXRoYXQtYXMtYS1ndWVzdC1pLXdvdWxkLWJlLWFibGUtdG8tcGljay1vdXQtbXktb3duLWRyZXNzLmh0bWzSAZkBaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmouY29tL2FkdmljZS8yMDIzLzAxL2Fzay1hbXktaW0tbm90LWluLXRoZS13ZWRkaW5nLXNvLWktYXNzdW1lZC10aGF0LWFzLWEtZ3Vlc3QtaS13b3VsZC1iZS1hYmxlLXRvLXBpY2stb3V0LW15LW93bi1kcmVzcy5odG1sP291dHB1dFR5cGU9YW1w?oc=5","name":"Ask Amy: I'm not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own dress - 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