{"id":51460,"date":"2022-08-20T23:14:11","date_gmt":"2022-08-20T23:14:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/why-teen-boys-and-girls-will-sext-no-matter-what-you-tell-them\/"},"modified":"2022-08-20T23:14:11","modified_gmt":"2022-08-20T23:14:11","slug":"why-teen-boys-and-girls-will-sext-no-matter-what-you-tell-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/why-teen-boys-and-girls-will-sext-no-matter-what-you-tell-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Why teen boys and girls will sext no matter what you tell them"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<aside class=\"single__inline-module alignleft\">\n<\/aside>\n<p>One in three teenagers have received a sext \u2014 and this number is only growing, according to a new book.  \u201cIt just puts you in an awkward situation.  You always have to be paranoid in these circumstances,\u201d a 12-year old explained in \u201cBehind Their Screens: What Teens Are Facing (And Adults Are Missing)\u201d (MIT Press), out now.  \u201cIf you&#8217;re pressured but don&#8217;t want to, you might risk having someone as a friend or not,\u201d said a 13-year-old quoted in the book. <\/p>\n<p>Parents might prefer to bury their heads in the sand or take away phones or lock their children in their rooms rather than face the grim reality that technology plays in teen sexuality.<\/p>\n<p>Harvard sociologists Emily Weinstein and Carrie James have been collecting data on the brave new world of networked lives of teens over the past five years for Harvard&#8217;s Digital Dilemmas project.  They&#8217;ve surveyed and interviewed more than 3,000 teens and preteens, ages 12-18, all over the country to identify the ways screens and smartphones influence behavior.<\/p>\n<p>All that data provides a necessary reality check for parents who rely on \u201cfatalistic tech blaming\u201d or an unrealistic \u201cjust say &#8216;no&#8217;\u201d approach.  When parents resort to \u201cnever sext!\u201d  lectures, parents \u201cslip into a digital-age version of abstinence-only education, leaving teens without sufficient information to support complex, real-world decision making,\u201d Weinstein and James write. <\/p>\n<p>As the Journal of Adolescent Health put it in 2019: \u201cAdults often ask what can be told to youth to completely stop them from sexting.  The short answer is probably nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><figcaption>Teens live so much of their lives online that what might have seemed \u201cdeviant\u201d or unusual a decade ago \u2014 such as sexting \u2014 is now commonplace. <\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Shutterstock<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>The first step is coming to terms with the reasons they do it in the first place.  \u201cWhen we ignore the reasons teen sext, we misunderstand the calculus of their decision-making,\u201d Weinstein and James write.<\/p>\n<p>When sexts are consensual, the reasons are straightforward: Kids send them because it \u201cfeels pleasurable and exciting,\u201d or they \u201chope to impress someone they like\u201d or they want to \u201cdeepen an existing relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>With so much of teen life online, what was once considered \u201cdeviant a decade ago,\u201d now has trended \u201ctowards normalization among teens and young adults.  It&#8217;s likely the pandemic hastened this shift too,\u201d they write, as recreational screen time doubled for teens during the pandemic, according to a 2021 study.<\/p>\n<p>Consensual sexting, in other words, is an ingrained part of teen hook-up culture.  Scare tactics don&#8217;t work, they argue.  Weinstein and James gathered troves of statements from teens and preteens who are \u201cpatently aware\u201d of the risks they face.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOnce u send it, everyone can see it,\u201d one teen said.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/latina-teen-social-media.jpg?resize=1024%2C682&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Teen girls report that they often feel extreme pressure to send nude photos. \" class=\"wp-image-23504913\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/latina-teen-social-media.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/latina-teen-social-media.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/latina-teen-social-media.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><figcaption>Teen girls report that they often feel extreme pressure to send nude photos. <\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Shutterstock<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u201cThe pictures can go viral and that would be scary and embarrassing,\u201d another said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt will be on the internet forever so it could mess up my life later on.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Many are even aware that there could be legal ramifications for both sender and receiver.  In New York, sending nudes between minors can result in felony child pornography charges, but the state also offers a diversion program.  It&#8217;s often \u201cup to the discretion of the investigating officers and the district attorney,\u201d the authors write.<\/p>\n<p>Still, teens sext despite the risks.  Blame the brain.  Areas of cognition dealing with decision-making are slow to develop compared to the emotional and arousal systems that are in overdrive during adolescence.  Teens are also more susceptible to the \u201cpersonal fable\u201d fallacy, where people believe they are too special or unique for bad things to happen to them.  Add that together, and you have a kid primed to make some bad decisions.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/cell-phone-at-dark.jpg?resize=1024%2C682&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Studies find that the \u201cJust Say No\u201d approach to sexting is not an effective strategy with teens. \" class=\"wp-image-23504918\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/cell-phone-at-dark.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/cell-phone-at-dark.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/cell-phone-at-dark.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><figcaption>Studies find that the \u201cJust Say No\u201d approach to sexting is not an effective strategy with teens. <\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Shutterstock<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>For parents, the key is to help teens distinguish between consensual and nonconsensual sexts.  Once a sext is forwarded \u2014 which about 7% of boys and girls have admitted to doing \u2014 it is no longer consensual.<\/p>\n<p>Nonconsensual sexting is a spectrum.  Some girls (and most of those pressured are female) might not be comfortable declining a request for fear of losing a friend or a romantic interest.  One study of 800 middle-school students in relationships showed that one in eight were pressured to send sexual messages or photos to a partner.<\/p>\n<p>An eleven-year-old described the situation she faced: \u201cI don&#8217;t want to feel pressured into doing something that I know is not right.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>On the other end of the spectrum are the boys (and again, research shows that males are often the aggressors in nonconsensual text exchanges) who use outright harassment and even violence.  Several girls spoke about the rampant intimidation: \u201cWhen boys get rejected, they turn into the most hostile, violent people you&#8217;ve ever known.  I&#8217;ve known girls who will get bottles thrown at their heads for rejecting somebody.  I&#8217;ve known girls who get cussed out and exposed on social media and get, like, the screenshot of their chat exposed.\u201d<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?resize=618%2C925&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Behind Their Screens: What Teens are Facing (and Adults are Missing) by Emily Weinstein and Carrie James\" class=\"wp-image-23504928\" width=\"618\" height=\"925\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1234 1236w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=925 927w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=618 618w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=308 309w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/08\/behind-their-screens.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 618px) 100vw, 618px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><figcaption>For parents, the key is to help teens distinguish between consensual and nonconsensual sexts.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u201cThey always try to blackmail you into sending and it&#8217;s just so annoying,\u201d said one girl.<\/p>\n<p>But girls have developed systems to safeguard themselves.  They crop their heads out of shots and clear backgrounds of any identifying details.  Savvy teens also turn off location settings, or apply a watermark with the recipient&#8217;s name so that the leak can be traced to a specific person.  Word of mouth is a weapon often deployed as girls share stories of \u201ccreepy\u201d or \u201csketchy\u201d guys that others should avoid interacting with online.<\/p>\n<p>Weinstein and James talked to girls who had found body doubles online and presented the pictures as their own.  Some would take it a step further and screenshot the picture in the search results and send that screenshot to a few close friends.  If anything ever leaked, they had ensured full deniability.<\/p>\n<p>In the end, most teens reiterated how \u201cignorant\u201d and \u201cnot realistic\u201d it is for parents to say, \u201cjust don&#8217;t text.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>\u201cGirls especially want us to appreciate the no-win situation that can leave them feeling trapped.  They want parents of boys to emphasize the unacceptability of asking girls for nudes,\u201d the authors write. <\/p>\n<p>As one teen said, &#8220;Why would [someone] send around somebody&#8217;s pictures?  Why would you do that?  Because that is, I think, a greater evil.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>    .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One in three teenagers have received a sext \u2014 and this number is only growing, according to a new book. \u201cIt just puts you in an awkward situation. You always have to be paranoid in these circumstances,\u201d a 12-year old explained in \u201cBehind Their Screens: What Teens Are Facing (And Adults Are Missing)\u201d (MIT Press), &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/why-teen-boys-and-girls-will-sext-no-matter-what-you-tell-them\/\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Why teen boys and girls will sext no matter what you tell them<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[4],"tags":[52,19574,3548],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13487,"url":"https:\/\/harchi90.com\/anthony-weiner-mum-on-ex-huma-abedins-romance-with-bradley-cooper\/","url_meta":{"origin":51460,"position":0},"title":"Anthony Weiner mum on ex Huma Abedin&#8217;s romance with Bradley Cooper","date":"July 13, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Anthony Weiner is staying zipped up about his ex-wife's new flame. 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